All we wanna do is *bang* *bang* *cash register noise* find the motivation to get up and put on real pants.

We are going to repeat it until we don’t have to anymore: Please stay home! Out of ideas for passing the time? We got you.ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19): God, normally we would be so snarky with y’all, but it for real super sucks that you’re stuck in quarantine during your season. We suppose you …

Welp. Here we are. We’re out here (inside our own homes) practicing social distancing and hygiene. Even Co-star changed “work” to “routine” as soon as everything started shutting down. Wash your damn hands so we can get back to normal! Here’s your song to sing for 20 seconds while you hit the suds.

With St. Patrick’s Day just around the corner, you might have been feeling a little green lately. But what kind of green are you? Are you sick? Are you envious? Are you a sadistic giant who sells pees? Let’s find out.

It’s a little unfair that Scorpio Retrogrades make us feel chaotic in a powerful way and Pisces Retrogrades just make us chaotic. Take a vitamin D supplement and power through the next few weeks. 

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We realize we talk about Mercury Retrograde a lot. We would apologize but we really are just trying to help you. So yeah, blah blah blah, retrograde is happening again, here’s how to scrape by. This one is in Pisces season btw, so it’s gonna be a doozy.

Well fuck, Mercury is about to be in retrograde again. Bad timing considering it’s Valentine’s week. Are you single? You’re probably safe. Are you dating? Yikes. Here’s how to survive love week in the shadow of Mercury.

What is Missoula without its cult faves? Who hasn’t eaten a Front Street Breakfast Burrito or waited in line at Pie Hole as if you didn’t have to work at 9 a.m. the next morning? Every sign has something in common with one of Missoula’s own weirdly-specific classics. 

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