As we finish the year in a desperate crawl, we can all rest easy knowing Thanksgiving is waiting for us around the corner. What better way to celebrate the best family holiday than with the most iconic family of 2020? While your household is hopefully less dramatic than our beloved Roses, let’s see how you compare to the characters of “Schitt’s Creek.”
SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21)
Scorpios, don’t lie to us. You’d love to one day live in a barn away from society and harvest pine cones. You are Mutt Schitt.
SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 22)
Sags, you’re unpredictable and more than a little unstable. You and your God-complex are perfectly suited for David Rose. Like David, you were most likely dressed by your parents into your teens and bedazzled things well past a socially-acceptable age.
CAPRICORN (DEC. 23-JAN. 19)
Oh Caps, our stoic and steadfast parental friend of the Zodiac. Nothing makes you happier than balancing a budget or organizing a spreadsheet. Johnny Rose would be proud to know he’s assigned to you.
AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18)
Mysterious. Edgy. Closed-off. Aquarians, of course you’re Stevie Budd. That’s an honor.
PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20)
You beautiful, emotional idiots are, undoubtedly, Twylla Sands. Full of sage wisdom often offset with frank sincerity, we couldn’t pair our favorite waitress with any other sign.
ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19)
Okay, Aries, we feel like this one is obvious. You’re Ronnie. You don’t put up with bullshit, you’re overly competitive and you probably have a great acapella voice. And while you may be intimidating at first, inside we know you’re all big teddy bears.
TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20)
Taurus, your practicality, ambition and off-putting self-confidence makes you a Patrick Brewer through-and-through. How does it feel to be the most beloved character, you walnuts?
GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20):
Afraid of commitment and averse to labels? Check and check. A little bit mysterious? Yep. By our calculations, that makes you Jake (you know, the one who pulls David AND Stevie?).
CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22)
Your sensitivity and loyalty make you Ted Mullens. And don’t get us started on your love of puns. But you’re never half-hearTED in anything you do, just like him.
LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22)
Hey you dramatic, self-obsessed main characters. As the theater kids of the Zodiac, you can’t be surprised we’re giving you Moira Rose. You continue to rock onward and upward. We love you, bébés.
VIRGO (AUG 23-SEP. 22)
There is no character more perfectly suited for you than Joslynn Schitt. Responsible, inclusive, sweet—and possessing that little, mysterious edge. Just enough that people are slightly scared of you and your pink satin hair scarf.
LIBRA (SEP. 23-OCT. 22)
Ew, David! Don’t think we’d assign you Libras with anyone other than Alexis Rose. You’re icons, just like her. And if you, too, one day “just go for bubble tea” with Adam Levine? We’d love that journey for you.
Is it written in the stars? Or, rather, WAS it? Here are the last few horoscopes: