In honor of the return of “The Mandalorian” (but really it’s all about that adorable green nugget, the Child), we’re gonna dole out astrological love with a “Star Wars” twist. Whether you are the tauntaun that rides into battle or the tauntaun that Han Solo stuffs an unconscious Luke Skywalker into, we’ve got you covered.
SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21)
’Tis the season for Scorpios. With crushing intergalactic swagger and a need for control, Darth Vader is definitely your “Star Wars” spirit animal. But you’re Good Vader, the version of the Sith Lord that saved his son and the galaxy. You’re evil with a heart, pretty much.
SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 22)
Sag, you couldn’t be anyone but R2-D2. You’re always down to help and may or may not be an android. Sometimes, you speak in beeps and boops and no one understands, but it’s your craving for adventure that matters most.
CAPRICORN (DEC. 23-JAN. 19)
Cap, you’re the mom friend of the group. And who’s more of a mama bear than Chewbacca? The furry giant always looks out for Han Solo, takes care of the Millenium Falcon and probably makes sure that everybody eats dinner.
AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18)
Ya just don’t like labels, Aquarius, and that’s okay. You know who else doesn’t like labels? Admiral Ackbar. Actually, he hates traps, but the point is, he’s unique and so are you.
PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20)
Yo, Pisces, chill out. Stop feeling stuff so deeply all the time, like Kylo Ren. Carrying that much emotional baggage will make you become a whiny Sith Lord, and nobody wants that.
ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19)
Oh, Aries, why do you always need to be number one? It’s very Emperor Palpatine of you. You would totally build two Death Stars just to make a point. And then come back in the last movie to totally ruin the story.
TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20)
Taurus, you tend to be trustworthy and relatively drama-free, just like Obi-Wan Kenobi. You take the high ground and work your ass off, and won’t back down from a challenge. Even if that challenge is Darth Maul and you have no idea how to win.
GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20):
Gemmy, you shot first, just like Han Solo. Snappy one-liners and kneehigh boots define you, as does your love for wookies. Maybe one day you’ll beat the Target run in half an hour.
CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22)
Okay, so what if you were a tauntaun? A majestic, furry lizard-camel that romps through the snowy wastes of Hoth. Sound good?
LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22)
Leo, you have big main-character energy. You’re Luke Skywalker, and you have the “I trained in a swamp with a little green man” swagger. But Original Trilogy Skywalker, not the angry and old Skywalker that drinks blue milk.
VIRGO (AUG 23-SEP. 22)
Congratulations, Virgo, you are the Mandalorian. Your big-picture thinking and determination to finish what you’ve started are cut from the same cloth as the Child’s accidental stepdad. Just don’t go flying around any sarlacc pits.
LIBRA (SEP. 23-OCT. 22)
Libra, you’re kind and compassionate. You put others in front of yourself. You are Leia Organa. But not Space Leia, because that was dumb, and the Force doesn’t work like that.
Is it written in the stars? Or, rather, WAS it? Here are the last few horoscopes: