The fifth week of school means midterm season is well and truly upon us. What better way to cope than cracking open a cold one? Make some mixies with your close friends (or by yourself), open up that powerpoint and pretend to study while you watch 12 back-to-back episodes of New Girl.
VIRGO (AUG 23-SEP. 22)
Cosmopolitan. Okay Virgos, we know you might not actually have it all together, but by God you will LOOK like you have it all together. How better to show that than a cosmo? And if that little fancy lemon garnish is currently all that’s preventing you from jumping off the deep end — that’s okay, too. Whatever it takes.
LIBRA (SEP. 23-OCT. 22)
Mimosa. What’s better, Libras, than a non-pandemic brunch with friends, champagne and orange juice? Well, a pandemic study session with friends, champagne and orange juice, of course. Okay, sorry. We tried. You guys are some classy SOBs, though. Mimosas through-and-through.
SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21)
Old Fashioned. Bitters, whiskey and a maraschino cherry. Need we say more?
SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 22)
Gin and tonic. It’s light. It’s bubbly. It’s sickly sweet. Just like you, Sag. We know you’re gonna buy the nice gin, too. You know, the one with the hint of lavender. Make us proud. Beware of that sugar hangover, though.
CAPRICORN (DEC. 23-JAN. 19)
Red wine — and a heavy pour, at that. Look, we know wine isn’t technically a mixed drink. But it’ll get you drunk, and really, isn’t that the point? Grab your knitting needles and open your biology textbook to that page you’ve been reading for the last hour. Go a little crazy — maybe DON’T alternate between wine and water. We won’t tell anyone.
AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18)
Whiskey Sour. How quirky of you, Aquarius. This drink isn’t like other drinks. It shows all those kids ordering vodka lems that you have ~ taste ~.
PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20)
Moscow Mule. We know you bring your own organic ginger beer to the pregame. We know you’ll show off said ginger beer the entire night. We’re glad the Good Food Store was having a sale. But please, stop asking for lime juice.
ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19)
Manhattan. This drink is intense. And so are you, Aries. Embrace your dark-liquor side and find a leather-cushioned chair to sit in while you swirl your drink around mysteriously.
TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20)
Mojito. Such a classic. This is the drink your dad makes with his homegrown mint that sits wilting on the windowsill above the kitchen sink. And who’s more practical and stubborn than your dad? Well, you, by definition.
GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20):
Rum and Coke. Geminis, you aren’t famous for your moderation. Either you’re drinking for sport or you aren’t drinking at all. That’s why we’re giving you this age-old pairing, a little complicated duality. Feel free to leave out the rum on nights before those big tests. Or maybe the Coke, now that we think about it.
CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22)
Margarita. Cancers? And tequila? It’s more likely than you think.
LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22)
Martini. Nothing says “center of attention” like ordering a dry martini, shaken not stirred. It doesn’t even matter if it tastes good. It gets the point across. And it allows you, Leos, to live out every James Bond fantasy you’ve ever had.
Is it written in the stars? Or, rather, WAS it? Here are the last few horoscopes: