Everyone’s back on campus, and you know what that means: Tinder, baybee. Social distancing doesn’t need to stop you from matching with the rando who sits six feet away from you in anthropology and then never messaging them back. ‘Tis the season.

VIRGO (AUG 23-SEP. 22)

It’s your season baybeeee. It’s time to shine doing what you do best: giving advice to your friends that they DEFINITELY did not ask for. It’s a fun little pastime in between color-coding your intro to ethics notebook and stressing about your five-year plan. 

LIBRA (SEP. 23-OCT. 22)

We know you miss studying in coffee shops. We miss watching you spread out all of your notebooks, laptop and pens — to sit there looking all pretty next to your latte while you scroll through your phone for the next two hours.


Oh god, you really did just chug that Starbucks Grande Pumpkin Cream Cold Foam Cold Brew at 7:30 p.m.?  Forgot about that online class again huh? Don’t worry, the deadlines aren’t until tomorrow. Anyway, have a good night!


Guys, it really is ok to skip out on a few textbooks. We promise. You don’t need to spend $200 for that astronomy class. Unless you’re an astronomy major. Except, honestly? Maybe not even then, too.


OK, one more time just so it’s clear: COFFEE. IS NOT. A MEAL. Please. Eat real food at least once before 1 p.m. Besides, you can’t even drink it in class anymore so what’s the point?


Oh my GOD we GET IT. We KNOW you’re BUSY. We KNOW you signed up for 21 CREDITS this semester. We. just. don’t. get. WHY.


Maybe if you just keep unpacking your vests and drinking PSLs, autumn will just start already and you can pretend campus is “the Dead Poets Society.” That, or you could just stand up on a chair in your WRIT class and start reciting.


Frankly? We’re a little jealous that your new weekend study plans involve leaving your laptop in your backpack, drinking heavily and watching Meryl Streep sing on top of a goat pen for the eighth weekend in a row. Mamma Mia. Here you go again.


When life gives you lemons, amiright?


hrow everyone in your study group a curveball. How, why and where from are up to you. But the weeknight study seshes are getting a little too comfortable and oooooweee does it feel like a time to ~spice things up~.


Ok here’s your new escape fantasy for when classes get too stressful: A cottage. In the south of France. Full of spices for when a rat just *happens* to need one. Chef Gusteau playing on the TV. Shotgun by the armchair. It’s “Ratatouille.” You’re the old lady from the beginning of “Ratatouille.”

LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22)

No, the barista you see before class is not your soulmate. Neither is the person who always studies in the same spot in the library across from your table. You have big Main Character Energy — and we love that for you — but this is not the time to let it show.

Is it written in the stars? Or, rather, WAS it? Here are the last few horoscopes: