Roses are red, it’s the first week of October, which means it’s basically Halloween, so bend over! Yep, it’s time to participate in anything remotely related to the holiday — thus, MOVIES!!!! There are a few staples in every Halloween movie: the big-boobed bimbo, the jock who always dies, the nerdy outsider who is actually sexy as fuck and the monster who was just misunderstood :( But which one are you? Let’s find out. 

 

LIBRA (SEP. 23–OCT. 22):

Guuyyys don’t make me go first! The basement is ~stinky~ *Draws the short straw* plzzz ... *Arthur fist, stomps on dirt* tHiS iSn’T fAiR!! 

 

SCORPIO (OCT. 23–NOV. 21):

Just another night <3 Candles=lit, Salt pentagram=laid. Oh no, did I mispronounce one of these Latin phrases? I just wanted Chad to love me, I didn’t mean to summon the antichrist :(

 

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22–DEC. 22):

No! You hang up first! *window break* No, you hang up first *demonic growl from basement* Stop! I’m not hanging up! *gets possessed, hangs up*

 

CAPRICORN (DEC. 23–JAN. 19):

You have final girl energy! You made it out ALIVE! BUT WAIT … you forgot to look both ways and now you’re smeared across the garbage truck’s windshield. RIP in peace :(

 

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20–FEB. 18):

You’re the monster who is misunderstood … :( You’re not like other monsters, nobody understands you!! Go read The Modern Prometheus and cry or something. We all got issues, honey. 

 

PISCES (FEB. 19–MARCH 20):

~oMg~ demon daddy don’t possess me UWU XD!!! I’m so lonely tho… :( jk ...unless?

 

ARIES (MARCH 21–APRIL 19):

Put some of that fucking rage to WORK with you and your giant fucking ram head and fight that monster! If you swingin’, WE ALL SWINGIN’! 

 

TAURUS (APRIL 20–MAY 20):

Oh no! You tripped and got mud on your sparkling white Steve Maddens! At this point, you give up. <3 Best of luck, it’s either elements or the werewolf, XOXO!

 

GEMINI (MAY 21–JUNE 20):

OMG where are we?? SAW? Omg, I’m so unprepared *yes, this is just like my fantasy* Gemini, you fucking KILLED IT (figuratively and literally)! That creepy son of a bitch had no chance against your wack ass.

 

CANCER (JUNE 21–JULY 22):

Cancer, you little wet crab. Is that the salt of the tears or the slime of the monster about to eat you?

 

LEO (JULY 23–AUG. 22):

POV: Your titties bounce to the beat of your friend getting stabbed. RUN AWAY! Wait, actually turn around?? Why is the demon kinda hot tho? Mommy? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry.

 

VIRGO (AUG. 23–SEP. 22):

GUUYYYYYYSSSS! We should turn around! *turns around* *dies*