The holiday absolutely nobody asked for, National Pickle Day, is coming up on Nov. 14. To prepare your heart, mind and taste buds, the stars have decided to let pickles solve your existential crises. Recently, you’ve been grappling with the question: “Who am I?” So find your pickle identity and emerge transformed.

SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21):

Why be like other boring pickles when you can be a Kool Aid pickle? You get so desperate to be special that you’re willing to pickle yourself in Kool Aid despite already being pickled. Did you ruin the good thing you had going? Definitely. 


You try to be everything for everyone as one of Famous Dave’s hot pickles. Why commit to being sweet or spicy when you could be both? It doesn’t always work. Sometimes you’re lacking in the spicy department.


As a pickled lime, you don’t back down from a challenge, even if you question where you fit in. You come across as too strong for many people, and you worry if you’re too much. You’re not, you just haven’t found people who appreciate your crunch yet.



Why be a boring sweet pickle when you can be so much more? That is, if your definition is going from a sweet pickle to a sugar overload. As a candied pickle, you’re just a poser sweet pickle with a fancy name. At least you get creativity points.


As a refrigerated pickle, you may be feeling left out. You’re the type to withdraw from the crowd and also be upset that you’re not included. You’re okay with people having fun without you, but not too much fun. It’s your world, everyone else in the refrigerator of life is just background.


You’re a Jimmy John’s dill pickle. Not the slices, the whole damn pickle. You’re larger than life, but we’re pretty sure it’s just because you’re compensating for something. Your biggest desire is to steal attention from everything else, the catalyst to your villain pickle era.


There’s safety in numbers, so you’re a slice in the sea of bread and butter pickles. You may not seem flavorful to some, but your personality is palatable no matter what group you’re paired with. You may feel lost in the role of supporting character, hesitant to find individuality.


Stop running away from responsibility. You’re Pickle Rick from “Rick and Morty.” You’d rather do anything else than face your own emotions. Dear Gemini, please remember that just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should. Love, the Kaimin xoxo


You hold onto things for far too long. Your spirit is the embodiment of pickled eggs. Be prepared for a future full of things you don’t need, or start throwing things out now. Start with that taxidermied two-headed hamster you’ve been hiding from your roommate.

LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22):

You’re fried pickles, and you can’t stand being overlooked. Your worst nightmare is being interrupted or not getting a turn to speak. Just know you are more valued than you think. Don’t forget that you are everyone’s favorite, but don’t let that fry your brain.


VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEP. 22):

As cinnamon pickles, your choices are questionable. Like, why do you start decorating for Christmas in October? We admire your commitment to reaching your goals, but they just don’t make sense. What matters is if you like your decisions, just like it matters if you like that haircut.

LIBRA (SEP. 23-OCT. 22):

Stop being a sad cucumber! You’re a wannabe pickle, too indecisive to make a flavor because you’re desperate for the approval of others first. While your feelings are valid, you need to commit to a choice so other cucumbers can have a turn.