Can you smell it? Love—and the coronavirus—is in the air. One definitely feels better than the other, but these days it’s hard to spark a flame with your next ex from six feet away. No need to fear, though—we’re here to help you in your socially distanced courting efforts this upcoming Valentine’s Day.
AQUARIUS (JAN. 20–FEB. 18): Some try their hardest to be unique, but you, Aquarius, are just naturally different (for better or worse). So in trying to score a date you’d naturally do something a little off-kilter, like suggesting hazmat suits on a first date to frolic through Stocks. Safety first.
PISCES (FEB. 19–MARCH 20): Two fish, two hearts. Your love is deeper than the Mariana Trench, Pisces, and it shows in how you look for a partner. Just maaaaybe hold off on discussing wedding plans after two messages on Bumble. We know you found the one, just slow it down.
ARIES (MARCH 21–APRIL 19): Aries, you fiery ram, you. You’re a trailblazer in every meaning of the word. That’s right, you did message first on LinkedIn to ask that guy that wants to be an architect if he can build the life of your dreams with you. No one would even think to do that, except you.
TAURUS (APRIL 20–MAY 20): Why you so classy, Taurus? First date walk in the park? Hell no. You’d book a reservation at a joint with those tiny little candles on the table and low lighting. You’d order that cucumber water and wax poetic about your financial portfolio as your date drifts away.
GEMINI (MAY 21–JUNE 20): Like a true double-sided coin, Gem, you would present yourself in two ways. The Tinder version, which is crisp, clean and has a well-written bio and immaculate pics. And then the real you, which is slamming boxes of Franzia talking shit about “Bachelor” contestants. Your date is just along for the ride.
CANCER (JUNE 21–JULY 22): You’re kind of a psychic, Cancer. You can see all the bullshit your date-turned-future lover will get you into. But fuck it, dive on in.
LEO (JULY 23–AUG. 22): You’ve probably got some fish on your Tinder profile. Most likely a poorly written bio too. But in person, man, you’re the best. Socially-distanced online dating must be hard for you, Leo. How will everyone know how great you are if they just stop reading your messages?
VIRGO (AUG. 23–SEP. 22): Virgo, you just get shit done. From courting to scheduling dates, you just manage the hell out of your life. But then the tequila happens. And that’s how you and Braxton ended up in Vegas at the Little White Wedding Chapel.
LIBRA (SEP. 23–OCT. 22): As the master of balance, Libra, how does one maintain safe coronavirus practices and actively date? Asking for a friend. Millions of lonely, single friends.
SCORPIO (OCT. 23–NOV. 21): No.
SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22–DEC. 22): Unconventional you are, Sag. In defying the norms of the new way to date, you have opted to get a megaphone and communicate outside of your crush’s home. Normal? No. Off the beaten path? Yes.
CAPRICORN (DEC. 23–JAN. 19): When you set your mind to something, Cappy, by God do you achieve it. So go ahead, you can still believe that you will meet Dr. McDreamy from “Grey’s Anatomy” and you two will start a totally normal life together.