Kaimin Arts proudly presents The Dennies

Last year, in line with a tradition pioneered by such illustrious awards as the Oscars and the Dundees, Kaimin Arts announced the birth of “The Dennies.” These awards, dedicated to the legacy of University of Montana President George Dennison, honor the best and worst of the past year. So welcome to the second annual Dennies.

Best way to get arrested in Missoula:

In a college town where the fuzz is a little loose on marijuana enforcement, doing time actually takes some effort. But leave it to University of Montana kids to get creative. This one’s a tie.

1) Storm President Dennison’s office.

2) Join the Griz football team.

Sexiest cankles to touch down in Missoula:

Hands down, this award goes to Hillary Clinton. How does the Clintons’ song go? “Hey Hill, if you ever dump Bill, come date me.”

Worst VH1 reality show:

Although Tila Tequila’s bisexual search for love certainly piqued our interest (and was a fresh twist on the usual “B” celebrity looking for “love” routine), we’ve got to hand it to Flavor Flav. Let’s hope that the third time is a charm. Someday someone will love you; we just don’t want to see it.

Best way to flog a dead horse:

Run for the Democratic presidential nomination. Seriously, enough is enough.

Best Missoula Art Walk alternative:

Forget the martinis, wine and cheese. In fact, forget all the downtown delicacies associated with First Friday. This award goes to the Pylon gallery, a house in a Missoula trailer park. Nothing screams high culture like broken lamps, crushed mailboxes and a back-alley entrance.

Best book reviewed by Kaimin Arts:

We’re big fans of the penis, so we’re naming “Superbad: The Drawings” winner. It even inspired one of our reporters to pursue phallic-based artwork of her own.

Worst book not reviewed by Kaimin Arts:

We received a copy of the self-published book “From the Stall,” a collection of photos taken in bathroom stalls. Some of the poetry was funny, but most of the images just reaffirmed our suspicions that for some men, female anatomy remains a mystery.

Best line from “There Will Be Blood”:

“I drink your milkshake.” There were so many to choose from, but only one generated a gut-busting SNL parody.

Best way to screw up a concert in the Adams Center:

One word: wristbands.

Best Montana Kaimin blotter entry:

The Denny goes to an anonymous 17-year-old female who got a little too wild with her Nissan at 2:50 a.m. on April 10. Downing a light pole is old hat for drunk drivers, but mad props for vomming in a squad car.

Best buzzword found in letters to the editor:

The award goes to “green.” However, we’d like to point out that “green” should never, ever, ever be used as a verb. Ever.