Vile verbiage, vehicular vagabonds, venomous valkyrie, vexatious vest

Oct. 26, 9 a.m.
A former journalism student sent a threatening e-mail to a former dean and a former professor, Director of Public Safety Jim Lemcke said. The threats weren’t horrible and were mostly incoherent, likely because she was a foreign student, so Lemcke wrote her back and “told her to knock it off.” However the woman did use the words “terrorist” and “bomb” in the letter, so he forwarded a copy to the FBI. She has not yet responded.

Oct. 28, 2 a.m.
Witnesses in a University parking lot said they saw a red Honda CRX with four males in it drive by at a high rate of speed. As they passed, the occupants yelled “We’re so drunk!” out the window, Lemcke said. Shortly after, the witnesses heard a crashing sound as the CRX crashed into a parked car and fled the scene. The vehicle has not been located.

Oct. 31, 1:30 a.m.
A man came home from a night of drinking and began text messaging someone on his cell phone, Lemcke said. His girlfriend, who really wanted to see who he was texting, proceeded to bite him in the arm until he let go, and he shoved her in return. When officers arrived, it was unclear who was attacking whom, so they transported the man to an off-campus address and issued no citations. “See, this is one of the many dangers of text messaging,” Lemcke said.

Oct. 31, 7:48 a.m.
A University Village resident was watching his daughter board her school bus from his apartment window when he noticed a man at the side of the building peeping into his bathroom window, Lemcke said. The resident went outside but the man ran east toward the golf course before he could confront him. The suspect was described as a white male, about 5’6” with short to medium-length sandy blonde hair and wearing a black hooded sweatshirt, “which is common peepwear,” Lemcke said. The man has not been identified.

Nov. 1, 8:37 a.m.
Officers received a report of something that resembled a bomb on a picnic table near the tennis courts, said Lemcke. Upon investigation, they discovered a clock with water bottles duct-taped together to look like an explosive vest. It turned out to be part of a Halloween costume. “What is Halloween without a costume in bad taste, huh?” Lemcke said.