Big Ups and Backhands

Welcome to Big Ups and Backhands, the pit stop on your road trip to the crossword puzzle.

Last week we issued a challenge to the readers of BU&Bh: Come up with a friendly moniker for Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, by combining their names. After last Friday’s Kaimin hit the racks, the entries starting pouring in.

Submissions earning honorable mention were HiRack, Hillack, Barary, Llama, Clack, Barton, Bamahill and Obinton. Additionally, we could have had a separate category just for anagrams of Hillary and Barack – A Library Chalk, Balky Arch Liar – and Clinton and Obama – Batman in Loco.

However a pair of suggestions really stood out. The first was Barackally (pronounced like broccoli), submitted by UM student Elissa Looney. However, it was ruled by the judges (that’s us) that the letters “ally” never appear in that order in “Hillary,” and thus that entry was disqualified.

That makes the winner – cue hillbilly guitar riff – Sweet Home Hillabama, submitted by Susan Stadler, a “sometimes employee” at the the Bookstore at the University at Montana.

Congratulations Susan, you win nothing, except for Big Ups and the pride that comes with ripping off an un-revivable Southern rock band.

With that taken care of, on with the show…

BU&Bh has remained loyal to Facebook – wanna be our poke buddy? – throughout the advent of the SuperPoke, Vampires and Compare People. But this week, the venerable social networking tool earns our wrath as well as Backhands. We learned that you can “suggest” friends add certain friends. As if stalking people wasn’t already easy enough!

The “bama” of the aforementioned Sweet Home Hillabama may be coming to a freezer near you. Probably not, actually, but Slate.com gets Big Ups for proposing it. Slate held a reader contest of its own, seeking names for a Barack Obama-themed Ben & Jerry’s ice cream flavor. The winner? “Yes, pecan.” Mmm, delish.

It was revealed this week that Airborne, the self-proclaimed answer to the common cold, really doesn’t do jack. In fact, the company is settling a $23.3 million lawsuit and will refund purchases of the product. But we’re bypassing Airborne, which was just trying to put food in the mouths of its children, and Backhanding all of you schmucks who took the stuff like it was communion on Sunday.

Big Ups to former – so weird to write that – Packers quarterback Brett Favre. Favre decided Tuesday to end his 17-year NFL career and ride into retirement. No. 4 will be remembered as one of the all-time greats. So long, Brett. We’re sure to see you somewhere down the line, doing Viagra commercials or promoting your own juicer – something like that.

Backhands to vegetarians who eat fish. Seriously, there is no such thing as a Tilapia Tree, a Bass Bush or a Salmon Spruce.

Finally this week, we’re shipping Big Ups to Jesse and Aber halls, which are holding a green-off and trying to out-conserve each other. The winning dorm will cut energy and water use more than the other. Isn’t it ironic that in this liberal exposition of hippiness the dorm that wins will thus be the most conservative?

That wraps up this performance of BU&Bh, come back next week. We promise the only weapon we’ll be concealing is our mind.