Mountain Mayhem

A quick inspection of the merchandise at Tuesday’s Campus Recreation’s biannual used outdoor-gear sale revealed a potpourri of items that any outdoor enthusiast could afford.

Avalanche beacons ran around $30. A set of rock-climbing picks went for $15. For $750, you could have bought a nine-year-old raft, and $4 would’ve fetched a metal thermos, sans handle, complete with a sticker that read, “Wild women, wild water.”

“People come to get gear for cheap, and in the past, things have been taken,” Outdoor Program manager Elizabeth Fricke said. “But (theft) is becoming less of a problem with security.”

The only things more colorful than the array of items were the patrons themselves. After all, what could sum up Missoula better than an outdoor-gear sale?

Sky Orndoff, an environmental studies sophomore, showed up to the sale, which Campus Recreation holds each fall and spring, looking for a wet suit.

“A really gross, disgusting wet suit,” Orndoff said. “I want to go river snorkeling at night because then you can see fish.”

English major Joe Sawyer came to his first outdoor sale looking for a pair of Garmont hiking boots because they’re Italian.

“The Italians make the best shoes in the world,” Sawyer said.

Sawyer was quick to admit that he didn’t know much about the Outdoor Program when he discovered that 15 percent of the sale’s proceeds would support funds for new gear and trips.

“I don’t know what they’re about, but I’m all about recreation,” Sawyer said.

Then there was Roger Johnson, a UM senior in literature. Johnson was at the market for some climbing rope.

He plans to use it in the outdoor pornographic film he’s trying to make.

“I just think there’s a huge market for mountain porn,” Johnson said.

And he’s looking for women to audition.

“Today I’m looking for girls and rope,” Johnson said. “The girls need to have their own sense of morality, who don’t base the word ‘sin’ in a Christian construct. Like a preverbal sense of sexuality.”

One might wonder why Johnson chose the outdoor gear sale to look for his leading lady. Johnson said that outdoorsy people and mountaineers are often deeply inhibited by an Oedipus complex. Johnson said this type of
person subconsciously believes that by conquering the “mother” (nature/the mountain), he inherently kills the “father” (society) who discourages lust after the “mother” (still nature).

“These people are fairly rigorous, extremely neurotic and fanatical,” Johnson said. “A lot of what they’re doing is looking for a sexual outlet. I’m just here looking for my market share.”

Johnson used a nearby ski-waxing kit as an example for his point.

“This is an example of a direct metaphor like I’ve been saying,” Johnson said. “People waxing their sticks so they’ll slide better. I mean … I think it’s slightly obvious.”

The Outdoor Program holds the used outdoor-gear sale once in both the fall and spring semesters, and students can sell anything from kayaks to mountain boots.  As usual, sales were very strong this time, Fricke said.