October 31, 2007
Man falls for campus squirrel
One of the Weekly World Kaimin's staff paparazzi sneaked up close to catch this tender moment between a man and his squirrel Tuesday afternoon on the Oval.
Story by Horatio Hamms
Weekly World Kaimin
A nutty story emerged on the University of Montana campus this week.
Filbert A. Corn, a zoology graduate student, announced in a memo he posted on campus trees that he has fallen for the charms of a squirrel he claims is named “Allison.”
Corn, a Nebraska native, has been spotted around campus in recent days serenading “Allison,” gazing at her lovingly on the Oval, and even buying her nuts and, oddly, tampons in the UC Market.
Giant octopus sticks pumpkin on Main Hall
A University of Montana Halloween tradition was continued last week when a 30-foot octopus scaled Main Hall and impaled a pumpkin on the clock tower’s spire.
According to an eyewitness report, the giant cephalopod appeared on the Oval from the Skaggs Building area at 2:37 a.m. Thursday, climbed the clock tower with gourd in tentacle, then disappeared in the direction of the Adams Center.
UM Prof clones, then abuses self
A University of Montana geneticist was arrested last night after having a violent argument with a clone he had engineered of himself.
Dr. Remington Winchester, of the university’s Department of Genetic Bio-engineering, was being held in lieu of $100,000 bail, police said.
Flesh eating beetles storm UM campus
A genetically enhanced colony of flesh-eating beetles escaped from the workshop of a Lolo taxidermist and were last seen headed for the University of Montana campus.
“They’re loose, they’re hungry and they’re mad,” said Bud Ballantine owner and manager of Bud Ballantine’s Bare Bones Trophy Emporium.
Museums and taxidermists regularly use the so-called dermestid beetles to clean animal skulls and bones so that they can be used as trophy mounts and western style decor.
The King hits campus
Thirty years after digging his way out of a tomb in Graceland, Elvis Presley has returned to Earth for a special appearance at the University of Montana.
The King’s spaceship touched down Monday in Washington-Grizzly Stadium, followed by 70 semi-trucks hauling a massive 10-story stage. Tickets for the performance will be sold using a wristband system.
