October 31, 2007
UM Prof clones, then abuses self
Clone's health hangs by a thread
Story by Kenneth Keystone
Weekly World Kaimin
A University of Montana geneticist was arrested last night after having a violent argument with a clone he had engineered of himself.
Dr. Remington Winchester, of the university’s Department of Genetic Bio-engineering, was being held in lieu of $100,000 bail, police said.
Police responded to calls from neighbors of a loud argument and foul language emanating from Winchester’s home. Upon reaching his doorstep, officers heard the man police believe to be the clone using foul language, while the actual Dr. Winchester was objecting to the clone’s use of bad language.
Just as police entered, Dr. Winchester pushed the clone, causing him to tumble down a flight of stairs, police said. The clone is in critical condition, with numerous fractures.
Dr. Winchester was charged with making an obscene clone fall.
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This year, Halloween marks not only that oh-so-favorite time of year when Goth becomes normal and adults scare the bejeezes out of small children guilt-free, but the near two-month anniversary of the death of a media legend. For those of you who haven’t been paying much attention in the Albertson’s checkout line, America’s beloved Weekly World News ceased publishing after its last issue on Aug. 27. So, to celebrate the legacy of a 28-year-old tabloid, the Montana Kaimin has put together the sensational … the earth shaking … the memorial Weekly World Kaimin. Please bear in mind, as you browse these stories and photos during that snorey class in Urey Lecture Hall, that everything printed in the Weekly World Kaimin is fictitious and any resemblance to persons living or dead is strictly coincidental. The advertisements are real, but the news … well, we wish the news were real. Thank you.
