UM Housing has halved its vacate notice. Unemployment has skyrocketed. Class has been canceled. Thankfully, our noble Governor has suspended evictions, in a surprising turn after closing our places of employment and thus suspending our incomes for the well-being of our communities. Which was another surprising turn; given that it involved the well-being of our communities. Thankfully, due to these courageous and charitable actions, we’ve gone from living month-to-month to living a different-month-to-a-different-month.

Without rent forgiveness in the face of this pandemic, the students and working people of our community have simply been happily informed that the letterbomb they had been waiting to receive will be arriving later than anticipated. An entire community who have lost their incomes cannot be expected to procure said lost income out of thin air when the first of the month appears, be they out of work magicians or not. Even without the threat of eviction hanging over our heads, debts to landlords and utility companies will accrue on people who were struggling, by no fault of their own, to make a single month’s rent in the first place. There is nothing to stop them from milking us, hand over fist, the moment the moratorium is lifted. For the common cow, this is an average day. For the common human being, this is not.

Well, come to think of it, for the common human living in the United States presently, it isn’t too far out of the ordinary. Thankfully our federal stimulus checks are creeping in at glacial pace, and when they get here we might have enough to buy some groceries.

Dearest Landlords: if you’re worried about rent not being paid, I hear the grocery stores are hiring.

We’ll see you there and we can discuss our leases.