Fresh start: A new member's guide

Welcome to UM, Class of 2014 (or ‘15 or ‘16)! You've got your new lamp, pens, perfectly arranged shower caddy and rug to cover up the stains on your dorm room floor. Your roommate is your best friend and you don't know how you ever lived without them. It's the start of a four (or six or seven)-year journey to find yourself, pass out in an Aber shower, and get an honorary MIP (or two).  There are a few things I'd like to tell you as you're welcomed into our community.

1. We know who you are… We see you, freshmen. You make it so easy. Griz Card, room key and rape whistle on a lanyard around your neck. I know it seems like the best way to keep track of your keys and card, but you'll probably lose them or lock them in your room anyway. Do yourself a favor; stick them in your pocket or bag. You look silly and will probably hurt your neck trying to open your door while the keys are still around your it (not that I've done it … more than twice).

2. Get to know and support your Griz athletes. This isn't high school (college rule #1). Everyone is here and on their own for the first time. They may seem like they have their own little group already, but it's because they've been here for a month doing two-a-days. Don't judge; cut them some slack and be a friend. Remember they're working just as hard, if not harder, than you are to be here. Try adding over an hour in the gym, plus three hours of conditioning and practice every day to ENEX 101 and billiards. It's so easy and cliché to say all football players are jerks, and I'm sure some are. However, I'll bet you my football ticket there are some jerks slack-lining or studying in the library too. Lastly, don't be one of those guys that gets hammered at Griz games and then whines about paying the athletic fee. And girls, I know the smell of their sweat is intoxicating, but collecting jerseys is not an accomplishment, and the reputation you develop now will stick with you. This town's not that big.

3. You're not stuck. I know it seems like since you and the kids across the hall both have MGMT posters and Seven jeans that you'll probably be in each other's wedding parties. There are thousands of people at UM, don't feel obligated to stick with the people you met during orientation. My second day here, I went on the world's most awkward movie date ever (on the Oval, of course), and was then invited into a suite full of junior guys in Miller where I (thank God) won a game of Silver Bullet induced strip poker. I'm still dealing with emotional scars from both (there was so much hair). Notice red flags. Just because the girl with the neat nose-ring says it's cool if you two crash on Cameron's couch, it doesn't mean you  have to do anything you're not comfortable with.

Enjoy the rest of this first week, kiddos, and don't feed the squirrels too much. They're fat enough already.

taryn.chuter@umontana.edu