Allow me to carefully craft this late-night letter for you, oh mighty Gatekeeper of the Kaimin, Defender of the Ivory Tower, Slayer of Public Interest: You, your cohort, and your immediate predecessors have ruined this century-old paper. You've been so very successful in preventing anyone from even approaching your organization that soon you will achieve the sublime perfection of a completely unread publication. What a mighty feat.
There is hardly a scrap of content the students would value present in your contemptible publication anymore. You've stripped it all out. Year by year, section by section, piece by piece, methodically sapping every ounce and feature of interest from the Kaimin to make room for more ineffective ads and pandering drivel. It is as if the laughter and engagement of non-journalists offends your deepest sensibilities.
But I understand you, great Guardian of the Paper: the Kaimin must be purified of all that these dirty college peasants might find of value. Instead it must be filled with humorless ideology, misguiding narratives, and nasty sarcasm! A paper is not meant to be read and enjoyed, but produced and shelved in some library’s catacombs as the pristine and untouchable artwork that it is, worthy of only the finest of dumpsters and garden beds to hold. Only when the filthy hands of the uninitiated and disgusting 'readership' no longer touch the sacred pages of the Kaimin will your long task be finally complete. The day fast approaches where you will sit enthroned over a heap of ashes that once was a century-old University paper, waving your loathsome censor about and demanding respect from those you hold in contempt. How proud you will be of that kingly title you fought so long to make manifest: Great Kaimin Editor, Destroyer of Words.
Note: The Kaimin has not eliminated any features of the print or web editions with the intent of freeing up room for additional advertisements. — Michael Siebert, Editor-in-Chief
Letters to the editor can be submitted through our website or emailed to email@example.com.