The Full Monte

I had never gambled a day in my life until I bought a University parking pass my freshman year. I realized too late that the Public Safety Office knows how to bluff, issuing more than a thousand passes over the actual number of parking spots on campus.

The University packs a full house on any given day, and with those odds, the $185 permit doesn't guarantee a space — it just protects you from receiving a ticket if you hit jackpot and actually find one.

I refused to fold during my freshman, sophomore and junior years, upped the ante and said, "Hit me again." I sported the decals and drove laps hunting empty spaces, but most days were a bust. Eventually I wagered too much and found my tire clamped with a boot as yellow as a sunflower.

 Now, here we are. A new year, a new hand. But this time, I'm out of bankroll and out of patience. I realized something. My enemy is not Lady Luck — it's a bad parking system.

The school manages to fund new buildings, stadium lights and hopes to increase enrollment, but flouts cries for more parking in order to attend it. The Park-N-Rides and walking are fabulous "green" ideas, but the buses are often late or full (so are their lots) and most of us don't want to ski miles to school. This is Montana, where the weather is fierce and people like their trucks.

A parking initiative that finally expressed the need for action failed during the last Associated Students of the University of Montana (ASUM) meeting. The Office of Transportation online mission statement commits to "increase transportation options and awareness." Still, more than 100 members had joined "My University of Montana Parking Story" on Facebook less than 30 minutes after the ASUM meeting, demonstrating that the committee has yet to fulfill its purpose.

I understand the quandaries of the parking situation (like location), but that shouldn't keep the powers-that-be from brainstorming. Add to the parking garage, build a new one, increase spaces, or reduce spots like quick spots or reserved. At the very least, the University shouldn't issue permits for imaginary spaces. Put a cap on the amount of overselling and realize accepting money without an exchange of goods is usually called "fraud."

Until then, here are some ways students can survive the parking crisis: invest in snowshoes; Create on-campus nap stations (the early bird might get the spot!); Seduce a ticket writer; Be prepared to sit on the lap of a bus-mate; Use decals as Christmas ornaments.

Students truly sick of playing Russian roulette can contact UM Transportation, Public Safety, the ASUM president and President Engstrom. It's their job to listen to you. Go to tonight's ASUM meeting and join Facebook groups. Sign petitions, write letters to the editor and appeal every single parking ticket.

Play your wild cards and raise hell.

melissa.lacock@umontana.edu